Monday, March 23, 2009

My Crazy Ass Brother has cried wolf toooo often...

Hello Dear Readers,
I hope you had near the fun and sunshine that I did this weekend! Sheldon and I went to the DC Home and Garden Show and got all kinds of good information and ideas for the house. We also ate a delicious lunch on the waterfront and went for a lovely drive on the GWParkway. Sigh. It was a perfect day.

My brother didn't have such a great weekend, or so he
says. My brother claims to have a broken leg from a motorcycle accident. But we are not sure we believe him. Why on EARTH would we doubt said brother? Why do we not trust him? Let me count the ways:
  1. likes to play elaborate April Fools jokes
  2. often starts early, mid March is not unheard of and we are already past that point this year
  3. often uses accomplices to help him pull his prank
  4. he usually calls my mother with these pranks in the middle of the night when she is muddled and sympathetic
  5. often these pranks have involved accidents and hospitals
In this case he sent my cell phone a picture of motorcycle that I ignored because I had never seen it before.

He emailed me and asked why I hadn't weighed in on his leg situation. He had already called my mother late on Saturday night to tell her of his plight. He claims to have bought the motorcycle 3 weeks ago, but didn't tell anyone. He claims to have two fractures, one of which is a spiral and needs a metal rod. What facts in this story make me suspicious?
  1. he called mom in the middle of the night to share the story of his plight which had supposedly happened more than 10 hours previous
  2. he is allegedly in the hospital where he used to work and still has plenty of friends who would help him
  3. he sent pix of the bike the day AFTER he supposedly wrecked it
  4. he is sending pix and emails from a hospital room
  5. he has had his girlfriend call and assure us that this is real and question our fealty for doubting him
  6. he sent pix of "a" leg in a "cast" that may or may not be HIS leg

In case you still wonder how I could be so mean let me tell you a little story from about 1992. Keep in mind that this is just one in a long list of April Fools Pranks he has pulled.

The X and I lived in a little cabin in the woods of Harpers Ferry, WV the second year that we were married. At this point my Crazy Ass Brother or CAB as he will now be known, had not yet moved to Florida and had a girlfriend in Charlestown, WV.

One day in mid-March, out of the blue CAB dropped by our house for a visit. Now you have to understand that CAB and I have never been particularly close, he is 5 years younger and we don't exactly have the same circle of friends or interests. At that point I was an old married lady and he was just barely out of his teens, so why on Earth would he drive all the way out to our house unannounced?

Anyway, he stopped by for a visit. During said visit our telephone rang. (This was the days before cell phones.) It was his girlfriend calling to ask if he was there. Odd. Why would his girlfriend call me looking for him? I had had little interaction with her and barely knew her name. She asks for CAB and we put him on the phone. They have a little back and forth conversation and then he says "Oh, the results came back?" and then there are a couple "uh huhs" and such and then, and I kid you not, the boy went white. All the blood drained from his face and he looked a little sick. He said he understood and he was on his way and he hung up.
Now being the nosy older sister I immediately asked him if everything was alright. He assured me that it was and then he beat feet out of my house saying that he had to get over to her house right away.

The X and I discussed this weirdness a little and decided that if it was something serious we would hear soon enough, I decided not to call my mom since I didn't know for sure and didn't want to get her in a tizzy over nothing, and then we never gave it another thought.

Two weeks go by and I have completely forgotten about this little visit;
I drive into my driveway one evening to a bouquet of flowers with balloons by the door. The X worked midnight shift at that time so he was in bed asleep. I carried the flowers in the house and opened the card. It said something to the effect of "Congratulations, you're an Aunt".

I was floored. He had gotten the girl pregnant. The test results, the white face, (such acting) the whole thing. I was also furious. How could he be so stupid. I called him up and started reading him the riot act and was met with hysterical laughter. When he could breathe again he said it.

April Fool.

You see?

Do you understand the depth of his deviousness? The acting job, the accomplices, the $50 bucks spent on flowers and balloons?

I ask you, why should I believe him this time????

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